Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
