Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
