On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
