I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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