idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
