I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
