and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
