discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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