So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
