$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
