I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
