If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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