my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
