The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
