True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
