I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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