I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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