You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
