I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
