I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
