What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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