I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
