your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well you can't waste a boner
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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