I have demons in me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
