I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
