WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The beer is more important than you right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
