I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
