I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
