Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
