dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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