Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
