Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
