her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
