I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
