Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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