I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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