Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
