i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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