So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
