I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
