You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
