repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
