I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
