I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
