so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
