My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
