Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
