Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
