all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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