yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
