i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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