At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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