idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
