So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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