i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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