oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
