i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
